Insurance is Boring (Until You Need It)

You could drone on about declaration pages, actuarial reports, written premiums, blanket coverage, or errors and omissions, and I’ll be asleep faster than you can say two Benadryl and a tumbler of Chivas. In fact, cracking open the old P&C licensing guide that I keep next to my bedside when these groovier sleep aids don’t do the trick always gets me snoring. Such maudlin terms as death and dismemberment and morbidity tables may briefly raise a slagging eyebrow, but in the end just give me weirder dreams. My ears may perk up a tad if you mention policy dividends or ailing old uncle Bob’s life endowment, but unless the check is in the mail, I’ll soon be snoozing.

Yes, when it comes to the profession with the most tedious terminology and bloated set of clauses that make your Dad’s dusty Encyclopedia Britannica collection look like a CliffsNotes pamphlet, the insurance industry stands atop the highest podium with a gleaming gold medal.

But the sleepy truth is, insurance is boring as hell until you need it. Our industry may be the butt of the water cooler wisecracks, but get in a fender-bender on your way to your fast-paced and exciting job, and who’s the first person you call? That’s right, you better hope your friendly insurance agent is on speed dial. Shopping for a shiny new sportscar on a Sunday and on a whim decide to drive it home that night to surprise the wife? Your ever-suffering yet always forgiving auto agent is there to heed the call and transfer the policy.

And gods forbid the unthinkable should happen, like a serious auto accident, a natural disaster that wrecks your home, or even an untimely death. We won’t be the first ones you call, but we’ll be there to help ease the later financial burden.

But in the day-to-day, we know that FEMA flood tables, electronic payment deductions, and claim adjustments could bore the jolliest clown to tears. We get it. We know, because it’s our life, fueled by tankards of coffee and an overabundance of evening and weekend hours.

But remember, in your time of need, unlike those who allege a more exciting career path, we are here for you. Do you think your Zumba instructor will return your call on a Saturday night? Hell no–she’s at the club flashing her six-pack on the dancefloor. Is your sprightly bartender with the sexy brogue going to listen to your tears on a Monday morning after you crack up the new Lexus? Get real–you don’t even have his cell phone number.

So next time the family dinner table or office luncheon cracks turn to the stodgy and the dull, remember that your accountant with the posh yacht or pompous financial analyst cousin could use taking down a notch. Once in a while, show us some love. Tell your agent you appreciate the Saturday night callback, or write us a nice online review. After all, we’re only human, liability risk and all.

By Colleen Woods-Esposito